I was an intern at Teen Mania in 1995-1996; a pivotal year in my life. I came in thinking that I was going to get more direction for the next step of schooling in my life, but I came out with much more. It was there that my perfectionistic, fearful and feeling-driven mindset was constantly challenged. I wasn't even aware of how much I had let my sense of identity and worth come from my performance or lack therof, nor how much I had let my feelings or lack of feelings direct my relationship with the Lord. That cage was rattled during the year; I began to break free. It was in Teen Mania's focused & purposeful environment and because of the friends, leaders, and teachers in my life at that time, that I came to a greater understanding of the character & love of the Lord, how to worship Him in spirit and truth, and how to face fears and challenges and persevere to a victorious end. It was during that year that I formed the habits that would continue to draw me closer to the Lord and more and more freedom in my life.
And here's something else significant--I went in thinking that ministry is being one of the people 'in front' and that real ministry was missions or preaching or teaching, not being an artist or a mother (which I am today). But it was during the course of that year that I realized how God delights in the unique gifts and callings he places in each of us, whether for business, art, ministry, missions or motherhood. We are all one body, made of many members, and I learned to value each part, each job, each personality as valuable and significant to God's glory and kingdom.
Above all, I came out with a firm understanding of my purpose as God's child--I wrote this in my Bible that year and keep these words before me to this day: My purpose in life is to worship the Lord my God all the days of life; to consider all things as loss compared to knowing him; to give glory to his name in everything I do; to live life in fearless trust and faith in his word; to remain humble, not comparing myself to others, but entrusting myself to Him, confident in His unfailing love; to follow him wherever, and whenever, and no matter what; to love him with joy.
Published on Tuesday, February 23, 2010 @ 12:27 AM CDT
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